Feeling helpless as 'The Rock'

This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Amanda Amanda 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #678
    Georgina
    Georgina
    Participant

    Am I glad to have found this site! My name is Georgina and my husband suffers with anxiety and depression, which was somewhat manageable but has been significantly worse since the arrival of our daughter two years ago. We are currently going through a bad period and as a generally positive and out going person, I am struggling to continue to remain so in order to best support him. I find myself wanting to be selfish and would like to be looked after myself, rather than constantly having to support him and this horrible illness…but then having to remind myself that he doesn’t choose to feel this way and then comes along the guilt of allowing myself to feel this week. It’s all frankly very exhausting. As a talker and sharer, I am desperate to find people in a similar situation to mine in order to feel like I am not the only going through this and find strength and support in numbers – as well as to find out what others have found helpful to their partners who suffer the same. My husband is currently taking sertraline and is awaiting a telephone consultation from our mental health service next Tuesday.

    If this story sounds similar to yours, I would very much love to hear from you if you’re open for a non judgemental and honest chat 🙂

    G

    #679
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    Hi Georgina
    I am SO pleased you have found us too and well done for being so open and honest about how you are feeling. Frankly it’s bloody hard and you are NOT being selfish.

    Things are magnified when it becomes more than just the two of you and children are involved.

    I found myself being torn between wanting to help my husband and also having to protect my son. My husband has depression and it started when our son was born. I watched him slip away from us and disconnect with his son. Now we are coming back together, so there is hope although sometimes it seems endless.

    I found that keeping things simple for Richard really helped. If I gave him too many choices, even over simple things, or arranged too many things to do at the weekend (even if at home) it became too much and over whelming. Keeping it simple and down to 1 or 2 choices really helped. Something simple as writing a menu for the week helped him feel there was a plan and no surprises.

    You are right, your husband doesn’t choose to feel the way he does. You are obviously very self aware and have reached a point where you just want someone to notice you and hold you up. Well we notice and we are here to hold you up.

    As you probably know by now there are ‘phases’, there are good times and bad and you just need the resources to get through this bit. Its absolutely normal and healthy to want someone to look after you for a change so please don’t feel that its selfish.

    I found that taking some time out each day to meditate and find my strength within really helped. I had to get up 15 minutes earlier to do it, but it really helped set me up for the day.
    I also wear a crystal bracelet which grounds me and reminds me that I am not alone and we are all connected.
    So please do use us to vent if that’s what you need, to share, to lean and to join a community of people who know THIS IS BLOODY HARD!!!

    Welcome to the RockPool, I hope we can help.
    Amanda

    #686
    Lucy
    Lucy
    Participant

    Just wanted to say a massive welcome Georgina!

    You’ll find NOTHING BUT non-judgemental and honest chat here! ;O)

    You aren’t selfish. And it is tough. We’re all here for you x

    #709
    Rach99
    Rach99
    Participant

    Hi Georgina
    You are not selfish! You are human. I get frustrated and pissed off about the whole thing frequently!

    #726
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    How are you getting on Georgina? I hope you are feeling a bit more yourself?

    I’ve just noticed the following sentence in your post
    “and then comes along the guilt of allowing myself to feel this week”
    OMG the last thing you are is weak! You are strong and doing incredible things! It takes strength to be a Rock and even more to notice your own needs and state! Please don’t feel guilty, you have no need too. You didn’t chose this either and you are doing it anyway, because you love your husband. Love is the most powerful on earth!

    #768
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    Hi Georgina
    We haven’t heard from you, are you okay?
    If it helps I’m exactly where you say you were in your original message! I’m feeling shit today quite frankly and I’m going to have to dig very very deep to make this all work!
    We know we can but its bloody hard and bloody lonely!
    Feeling your pain!
    A

    #881
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    Hi Georgina
    I hope you are doing okay?
    The team at The RockPool.

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