Being a rock is lonely

This topic contains 17 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by Rach99 Rach99 5 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #220
    sofia1979
    sofia1979
    Participant

    HI
    I’m new to this, so not sure if this is what I should talk about, but I need to reach out somewhere.
    It’s so lonely, being a rock.
    My sister and I used to talk all the time, we were so close, then she got depression. My mum died years ago (perhaps this is what triggered her, I’m not sure) and since then we just haven’t spoken like we used too.
    My husband is great, but it’s not the same. My sister was my best friend and I don’t know how to talk to her anymore. I don’t know if she is going to be in a good mood or a bad one. Sometimes there are things I really want to share with her, personal things, which we used to talk about, but she just isnt interested in listening.
    I know it’s not her fault, but I find it really hard having to cope with supporting her (like we should and everyone says you should) but equally not having her supporting me anymore. It’s lonely and I just want someone to talk too.
    Is this selfish of me?

    #221
    MickMilner
    MickMilner
    Participant

    No I don’t think you are being selfish.
    It’s bloody hard when someone close to you stops talking to you and it feels like they don’t fucking care! My girlfriend doesn’t even respond to me sometimes.
    Not such a big deal for me as I don’t tend to talk much about stuff but when I did it was important, I don’t do that much now.
    We still go out and I still love her but it’s like part of her has gone.
    so nope, cut yourself some slack, it is lonely!

    #222
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    Hi
    I totally agree that having someone with depression who is close to you is lonely. To be honest sometimes I feel like I am in morning for the person I have lost, although temporarily. There are times when he is back with me.
    I think that we just want to be “seen”.
    What I mean by that is; I’ve felt I’m invisible to my husband sometimes and that I am there just to take the hits from him (which he doesn’t mean). Being the loved one seems to result in being the one who gets the full force of the persons depression placed on them. I just found myself asking my husband to see “me” not just someone he didn’t need to make an effort with anymore.
    My relationship with my other family members has changed immeasurably also, through family loss and depression. Its really hard and I do morn for my old relationship and closeness.
    I’ve found, that for me, the trick is to be enough for myself first. As humans we look for validation and love from others all time, we need it. We forget that much of this has to come from ourselves first.
    I’ve found that being enough for myself helps because much of what I wanted to talk about actually go away as I trust myself. That then places less pressure on my husband and family members to have to talk to me about things they may not currently have the capacity to take on. I’ve found that trusting my own choices and decisions and not needing the same level of validation has taken the pressure off us a bit.
    That said I totally appreciate that you just can’t beat a girlie chat sometimes and if you have been used to that with your sister, it must be very hard. I hope she finds her way to stability so that you can get some of that back. In the meantime The RockPool is here to listen and we have big shoulders. x

    #225
    Lucy
    Lucy
    Participant

    I don’t think I can say it any better than Amanda just has…just know we’re all here for you Sofia x

    #252
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    Hi Sofia
    Just checking in to see how you are doing?

    #269
    Lucy
    Lucy
    Participant

    We’re here for you…hope you’re doing ok?

    #403
    sofia1979
    sofia1979
    Participant

    Hi, wow thank you for checking on me. I’m okay, still missing my sister but have been caught up with the kids recently. It is the girlie chats I miss, but it’s more than that I miss my sister. It’s hard to watch her. I feel like part of me has gone.

    #416
    Lucy
    Lucy
    Participant

    Hello Sofia…glad you’ve come back to let us know how you’re doing.

    It’s tough. Especially with someone so close to you. She must know that you’re there for her, when she’s ready.

    Just try to look after you in the meantime. Do some things that you enjoy, to make you feel good. Get some support from those closest to you (…and on here!)

    Sending you a virtual cuddle!!

    #450
    Andreap
    Andreap
    Participant

    Hi All,

    My first time being part of The Rock Pool and I already feel at ease turning to something so great.

    I have just read your story Sofia, it must be so hard for you. Im sure one day you and your sister will get back to how things used to be. I think as long as you know you have tried, you have to try and be at peace with the fact peoples lives change and you cant blame yourself for anything.

    Like Lucy said, focus on you and looking after yourself for now. It will all come together im sure xxx

    #485
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    Hi Sofia, Me again, just checking in to see how you are?

    #489
    Lucy
    Lucy
    Participant

    Hi Andrea…welcome to you! x

    #491
    Rach99
    Rach99
    Participant

    Tell me about it! my husband just blanks me when he is on a low. It’s like loosing part of you! I completely get where you are coming from sofia1979, it’s shit!

    #505
    MickMilner
    MickMilner
    Participant

    I have a different experience with my partner. maybe this is a man woman thing. My issue is that I just want to fix her and I bloody can’t!

    #510
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    Hi Mick that is a very interesting point! I’m going to take that one away and ponder it for a bit if that’s okay. The question of how does mental illness effect men and women Rocks differently. Thank you, I’ll come back to you!

    #545
    Amanda
    Amanda
    Keymaster

    Sofia99 how are you getting on, we haven’t seen you for a bit?
    MickMilner, I’m still pondering that point about male and female Rocks. It’s obviously going to be different, I feel Men are from Mars and Women from Venus as perhaps a starting point!

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